SHBK 10/30
If you see me on the street
Don’t call me, “Baby”
Or, “Sweet thing”
Don’t pull up next to me
And ask why I’m not smiling
Don’t call me, “Baby”
Or, “Sweet thing”
But if in fact I am a “Queen”
Here’s my decree:
Shut your damn mouth
And keep on driving
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Photo by the phenomenal @yazzalali
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Dress of my dreams courtesy of @charlesandron
This is the first day I fully dressed myself. Not much has changed, stylistically, but sometimes I wish I could go back — to a time when I spent hours every day sitting atop mulberry trees, thinking but not thinking, meditating without knowing it. I eventually started to bring journals into the trees with me and write poetry until it got too dark to see. I didn’t know then that writing poems would lead to writing songs — that everything I did there would lead me here. I’m so happy to announce that the first chapter of my musical story, “Motsi,” will be yours on 10/30! Click the link in my bio to pre-save it! I’d really appreciate it. <3
These are the lyrics to my song, “Fatherless child,” in poem form. It was intense speaking them without the music and melody, as I realized just how sad I was when I wrote them. I wish I could go back in time and give myself a hug. And also a high five for allowing myself to feel.
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This song is for anyone who’s felt the pain of not having the kind of closeness they desire, or have been culturally trained to desire, with their family. I know there are so many of us. Over the years, I’ve come to realize the beauty of my situation and to appreciate it for what it is, what it has made me, and what it has the potential to become. It took a lot to come to understand that nothing is missing within me, and to learn not to fill that imaginary empty space in my heart with destructive people and thoughts. I’m still learning in some ways.
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If you’re currently going through it, here’s a little reminder (for you and for me) that your love is the most important, and powerful, love you’ll ever receive. You deserve to love yourself. Also, therapy is awesome.
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Fatherless child comes out on 10/30/20!
It’s a good day (to fight the system) 10.30.20
It took me years to get here
They were beautiful and ruthless
But I’m so happy to tell you
I’m about to release MUSIC!
Children play on landmines
Why are they paying for our crimes?
Look at the world they’re born into
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So, what good has war done?
Why are we paying for more guns?
Why can’t my money build a school?
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Kids should eat their ice cream
Stare at the sky and have daydreams
Of building a rocket to the moon
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‘Stead they’re scared of cop cars
Fear in the eyes of their mothers
Another murder on the news
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Photo: @yazzalali
Freestyled half a song on my beautifully detuned piano in my stories but wanna share the message here as well. Loop the second video twice to hear how I envision it. Can we learn to love each other?
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‘Cause the world might end before we do
Hating me, me hating you
We’ll both get stopped at Heaven’s gates
Wishing we could change but it’s too late
This poem reminds me of the shape of DNA...which somehow makes perfect sense to me when thinking about the range of emotions (some of them even inherited) that make up my emotional “DNA.” Lately I’ve been getting better at communing with, and learning from, every feeling that’s not “happy.” It’s possible — if not human — to feel many ways at once, which is why you don’t have to throw out a halfhearted “Great!” every time someone asks you how you are. Especially if it’s someone who loves you.
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Artwork on the second slide by the brilliant @joshuamaysart. 💫
You’re supposed to be here
There’s no other explanation
You’re one in four trillion
(The odds of your creation)
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Add that to the odds
Of your parents ever meeting
Add that to the odds
Of their parents ever breathing
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Go all the way back
To whatever’s the beginning
Think of everything that had
To happen to be living
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Here —
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You’re supposed to be here.
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Here —
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You’re supposed to be here.
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September is Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month. I know what it’s like to not want to live, and I promise that choosing life is worth it. There is no shame in struggling with your mental health — so many people, including people you know, do. Reach out if you need help. See a doctor for your mind, and one for your soul (try meditation). Google free mental health resources online or in your area if you can’t afford doctors. Tell yourself you love yourself every day, even if you don’t yet know if you mean it. (You do, deep down.) Take it one day at a time; know that healing takes time; practice gratitude; tell your dreams you’re still comin’ for ‘em; talk to someone you trust about what you’re going through; talk to whatever you believe in (if you believe in nothing, talk to yourself) out loud so you can hear your own intentions to get better. You can get better. You will get better. You’re supposed to be here.
I see you planting seeds that you don’t water
I’m watching activism live and die
If you don’t care, then why’d you even bother
Going to that protest with that sign?
Black seeds grow Black trees we feed each other
Our great, great, great grandmothers feed our roots
I see you planting seeds that you don’t water
So get your fucking hands off of my fruit
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To everyone who has, or who has tried to, selfishly benefit from my body, my mind and my soul whilst working for and benefiting from a system that works against me. I don’t fuck with people who don’t wanna fuck the system. 😘
My neighbors love a criminal
That I wanna go bye bye
My message is subliminal
Each time they hit their wifi
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Saw “Donald Trump” pop up in the neighborhood Wi-Fi index and figured why not push that subliminal energy in a better direction? Consider doing the same or renaming your network from that inside joke that only you and your friends get to something nonpartisan like, “Don’t forget to vote!” Every little reminder helps. 💛
it’s the little shit that keeps my brain unclogged
i hate the government, but i love my dog
I have gold in my bones
And diamonds in my soul
And my roots, they are buried
In African soil
I want freedom for my people,
That is all
I want freedom for my people,
That is all
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I wrote this at the beginning of quarantine with Zimbabwe in mind, and am sharing it again as a message of protest and hope for my fellow Zimbabweans. #ZimbabweanLivesMatter
#BlackLivesMatter
DM me! Zimbabwean voices need to be heard, and I really want to help those who speak through art like I do to gain the opportunities that I have. Also calling all visual artists and filmmakers who can or want to make artwork for musicians! Please share this with your Zim friends!
I’m sharing this because so many people seem to think African people’s suffering has, and has always been, their own doing. They are often the same people who ask me why my “English is so good” upon finding out I’m Zimbabwean, which tells me they have little to no knowledge of colonialism’s impact on Africa (the British colonized Zimbabwe), as well as current foreign interests that funnel money and resources out of certain countries. A lack of global education and discussion is why many people don’t know much about Africa (past and present, good and bad), and didn’t know about the government corruption and police/military abuses happening in Zimbabwe until a few days ago. The Zimbabwean government works hard and violently to keep Zimbabweans from publicly discussing, and protesting, their own suffering. Simply posting one’s frustration on the Internet can have major consequences. This is why we have to speak up for all of the Zimbabweans in Zimbabwe who don’t have freedom of speech, as well as for those who are risking their lives to demand basic human rights. Please sign the petition in my story, and click the link in my bio for a list of organizations (compiled by @theslacktivists) you can align with or donate to today. I will share more information and resources as I find them, and please share yours with me. 💛
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#ZimbabweanLivesMatter 🇿🇼
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This is a shot of a sad girl
An, “I really miss my dad” girl
A, “Trying so hard to be bad” girl
A, “Skinny, but I think I’m fat” girl
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An, “I never go outside” girl
A, “Find me a slow way to die” girl
A, “Trying so hard not to cry” girl
A half-smile to hide a full spiral
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See life’s so much more than these photos
The parties, the clothes with the logos
The dinners we eat ’til we go broke
The therapists callin’ us no-shows
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Know this is a shot of a sad girl
The definition of unravelled
So don’t be a pawn
In these Internet cons
Everyone’s fighting some uphill battle
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P.S. You don’t have to be sad forever. Therapy saved my life, and now that I’m not *constantly* battling internal demons, I have the energy to fight external ones. ✊🏽
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Some free and low-cost mental health services for Black people:
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-Boris L. Henson Foundation
-National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network
-The Loveland Foundation
-Black Emotional and Mental Health Collective
-Sista Afya
-Ethel’s Club
-Therapy For Black Girls
-Rest for Resistance
-Google free and low-cost therapy, as well as specific support groups, in your area
-Via your health insurance, if you can afford it
-Meditation apps/YouTube meditations
-Exercise
What if it’s not about you —
The life you’re trying to live?
You fight for every win,
And so it might feel like it is,
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But
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What if it’s not about you —
From birth until the grave?
Win or loss, somebody fought
So you could run the race
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And every race you run
Will set a future winner’s pace
And every race you run
Will set a future winner’s pace
Scroll for thoughts. This applies to all professions, btw.
London has introduced me to so many people I love, but two very special ones are @alexmetricmusic and @ritontime. Meet @kuumusic.